The DOGE Hit List, Vol. 2: United States Women's Bureau

I just think, that, women

Tfw you order a Tulsi Gabbard on AliExpress

Women! We love our women, don’t we folks. We certainly wouldn’t let them operate heavy machinery in a coal mine, unless of course it somehow promoted Equality, in which case shut up and huff that dust, Cheryl. So you’ve got to get them into the mines. The women yearn for the mines. Of course, when they inevitably suffer the workplace injuries and black lung and so forth, this is irrefutable evidence of misogyny. Doubly so when they are subsequently laid off. Tennessee Ernie Ford could never (look, he never said anything about non-fellers). Complete the punchline: “Have you heard the Village People are going to make the construction worker a woman? […]”

Look, the point is, women. Can we ever too much women? Certainly not. Thus: the United States Women’s Bureau. Dee oh el slash “wb” (you actually would not) (you have been assessed a $35762 fine for this joke) (the USWB is not actually responsible for assessing these fines, that’s some different guys) (“guys?” in the current year? really now). As far as I can tell, they exist only to offer helpful suggestions like the Coal Mine Incident, or “perhaps maybe you should women”. They give miniscule grants to community organizations. For this service, they require a staff of merely 100, and of course a director, mandated by the full force of federal law to be some woman, although not subject to Senate confirmation - because really, does any of this matter? Who needs the hassle. Women.

Gaze upon the Apex Bureaucrat. Grassroots coalitions of color working for disability justice. Inclusive family recognition (thanks from all the Mom’s Boyfriend-Americans). Women. Self-identified women. Micro-simulations of paying women to not work (we ran the numbers - it turns out giving money to women reduces poverty). “If the United States implemented a universal paid family and medical leave program, 97% of workers would be eligible (que es ‘universal’?)”.

Attack on Titan (2013)

Contemplate the brilliance of the self-licking ice cream cone that is a government department whose sole responsibility is nagging. Success justifies their existence. Failure indicates so much more work to be done. Would you like a pamphlet?

The best way to staff the cobalt mines is to fill them with previous government staffers. Cull them Elon! The women do yearn for the mines!